It’s My Birthday

Today is my 38th birthday, woo boy, 40 is just around the corner. How and when did that happen?

I have a lot to be thankful for today. Number one, I am thankful to still be alive. Number two, I am so very thankful for my family and friends who have supported me over the last year, and all the years previously. I am thankful for my loving, faithful canine companions, and even my cat, even though he is a stone cold killer and has destroyed more things in and around my house than all of the dogs combined. I’m thankful God has given me strength and determination, and a good sense of humor. I’m thankful that I have a cozy home to live in, and can afford to provide for myself and my animals. I’m thankful for insurance, and brilliant doctors and other medical staff. I am thankful for advancing technologies in healthcare. And I’m thankful Facebook did not exist when I was a teenager.  Thank YOU, mom, for giving birth to me and enduring my stubbornness even at birth. After all, I was a breech birth.

I have learned so much about myself, life, and even some of the people I thought I knew well, only to realize there is still much to learn about them and from them. I have gained a wisdom that only comes from experience, and much of that experience stems from learning a few lessons the hard way. I’ve made many mistakes in life, and have tried to balance those mistakes with sharing some of the knowledge I have. I told my parents not too long ago, that while I am in no hurry to die, and would rather not for many, many, many years to come; if I did meet my end in the near future, then I have no regrets. I have lived a fuller life at 38, then some people have at 98. I’ve been sick, I’ve been poor, I’ve had my heart broken. On the flip side, I have had many years of good health, I’ve earned more money than I needed to live, and I have been deeply loved. I have travelled to many places and seen some truly wondrous sites and met truly incredible people. I have friendships that will never end. I have stories. Lots of stories. I’ve had many adventures, and still do, with more to come in the future.

A few nights ago we celebrated mine and my mom’s birthdays. Her, my dad, two of her sisters and I went out to eat, then went back to my parents’ house for after dinner drinks and socializing. We had a wonderful time, and did a lot of laughing. My dad got me a handgun I’ve been wanting, and told me he was proud of me. Saturday, some friends and I enjoyed an evening of food and drink, and lots of laughter. Today I’m having a spa day with one of my best friends, and tonight, it’s dinner with some of my favorite women. It doesn’t get much better.

I have been blessed far more than I deserve. But, if given the opportunity, I will strive to make the next years of life the best; continue to reach for the stars, surely fail a few more times, but occasionally win a few too. I will shine as brightly as I can, even when there is no light.

#LifeIsAJourneyNotADestination
#Grateful
#Humbled
#ThirtyEightYearsAndCounting

Clay Pigeons

Sitting here listening to John Prine on iTunes. If you’ve never listened to John Prine, I highly recommend you do. One of the all time great song writers, in my humble opinion. And it looks like I may get to see him for the third time in concert in October. A friend of mine was given two tickets, and I was lucky enough to be invited as her guest. If you know me, that should tell you at least a little of what a fan I am of his. There has been no other singer/band that I can recall having seen more than twice in concert; not including some local bands, of course. His songs range from the insightful, thought provoking, and sometimes sad to the entertaining and quite humorous.


Music has a way of touching the soul that few art forms can really do - again, just my two cents worth. Some music makes you want to dance, some music makes you want to sing along, and some music just makes you want to stop and think for awhile or reminisce on fond memories. How ironic, as I sit here typing this, “Long Monday” comes up. It certainly has been. People are just damn strange sometimes. And I mean, damn strange. I hate to sound like some really old person talking about the new generation - Ha!!! - but, sometimes I just have to shake my head and wonder. I’m sure that’s what the almost 40 somethings probably said about me at one time.


Some days you just don’t have the words. But never fear, somebody out there does. And tonight, it’s Mr. Prine. So the best thing I can do for y’all is leave you with the words from the song that happens to be playing right now. And most appropriately, I might add. Couldn’t have said it better myself.


"Clay Pigeons"


I'm goin' down to the Greyhound Station, gonna get a ticket to ride
Gonna find that lady with two or three kids and sit down by her side
Ride 'til the sun comes up and down around me 'bout two or three times
Smokin' cigarettes in the last seat
Tryin' to hide my sorrow from the people I meet

And get along with it all
Go down where the people say "y'all"
Sing a song with a friend
Change the shape that I'm in,
And get back in the game,
And start playin' again

I'd like to stay but I might have to go to start over again
Might go back down to Texas, might go to somewhere that I've never been
And get up in the mornin' and go out at night
And I won't have to go home
Get used to bein' alone
Change the words to this song
Start singin' again

I'm tired of runnin' 'round lookin' for answers to questions that I already know
I could build me a castle of memories just to have somewhere to go
Count the days and the nights that it takes to get back in the saddle again
Feed the pigeons some clay
Turn the night into day
Start talkin' again, when I know what to say

I'm goin' down to the Greyhound Station, gonna get a ticket to ride
Gonna find that lady with two or three kids and sit down by her side
Ride 'til the sun comes up and down around me 'bout two or three times
Smokin' cigarettes in the last seat
Tryin' to hide my sorrow from the people I meet
And get along with it all

Go down where the people say "y'all"
Feed the pigeons some clay
Turn the night into day
Start talkin' again
When I know what to say

Help is not a four letter word

A friend once asked me if I would write a blog post on how people can best help others who are sick. I’ve given it some thought, and probably the only way for me to answer that question is to share a few stories of those people who have helped me in ways that for me were the most significant. But let me start by saying, that any act of kindness or generosity is always appreciated, but yes, there are ways you can really be helpful to those who are undergoing any sort of life crisis.

The answer is simple. Do something. And I mean, actually, DO something. Cards and flowers are nice, and again, always appreciated, but when you’re sick, or disabled, or going through a period of grief, it’s the most mundane tasks that become overwhelming and when someone lends a hand, it goes a lot further than just a phone call to check in with them and ask how they are doing.

Also, know this: most people who need help are hesitant to ask for it. Nobody wants to feel like they are a burden to their friends and family, and we still have our pride. So just because someone says they don’t need help, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily true. And sometimes, we don’t realize how much help we really do need. And often times, it pains us to admit it.

I remember once this past fall, when I was in so much pain, I could barely get off the couch. In fact, that’s how I spent the majority of this particular day - on the couch. I had a few friends who visited that day, and we chatted a bit, shared some stories, and passed the time enjoying one another’s company. I had some dirty dishes piled up in the sink, and since I am usually very fastidious in keeping a tidy house, I was somewhat embarrassed about the dishes; however, I was in no shape to get up and wash them. Eventually, they left. Just a couple hours later, another friend showed up. She drove here from Alabama, and came to visit for the night. After we sat and talked for awhile, she wandered into the kitchen and asked if I would like for her to wash the dishes. Of course I said, no, I would get to them maybe tomorrow or the next day. She came back to the living room, and we picked up our conversation. A little while later, she’s up and back in the kitchen. I hear the rattling of pots and pans, and I ask her what she’s doing in there. She responds, “I’m washing your dishes! I will be back in a minute.” Y’all, I got tears in my eyes. She knew I was too weak and too tired to fool with them, and she knew they needed to be cleaned. So she just did it. Even against my protest.

Also, for the last year, I have not had to mow my yard, not a single time. My dad, my mother, my uncle, another good friend of mine, and once, even my neighbor, have done it for me. And not once, did I ever have to ask them to. They knew it needed to be done, and they knew I could not do it myself, so they took it upon themselves to step in and get the job done.

There is another lady, whom, if I have met her, it was only briefly. But, she knows my dad, and sees him often at the marina, and he shares stories about me. Over the last year or so, that woman has stocked my freezer with homemade soups, quiche, and other goodies. Pre-cooked, all I have to do is thaw and reheat when I’m hungry. I have a cousin who has done the same for me. And you can’t even know how many times in the last year and a half, that I have been too sick to cook my own dinner. If it weren’t for this lady, my cousin, and my mother cooking for me, I may have very well starved to death; or at the very least, been even more malnourished than I probably already am.

And the same friend who has mowed my grass a few times, is also the same one who at one time came over and cleaned out my refrigerator when it was becoming cluttered and disorganized from too many leftovers. She also bathed my dogs for me. Trust me when I say, I hold this person in very high regard among my friends. She has done way more for me than most people I know, and does so without any thought of thanks. The gratitude I feel for her is immeasurable.

Now, granted, there are no two people on earth that I feel I owe more thanks to than my mom and dad. Their love, their support, and the things they have done for me, go so far above and beyond that nobody could even come close to matching that level of love and devotion. But, then again, they are my parents, and of course nobody else could ever compare.

Another person who deserves mention, is my ex-husband. Not long before I was diagnosed, we had reached a point in our relationship, while tenuous in the past, where we could once again be on friendly terms. And after my diagnosis, he went above and beyond to help me in any way he could. This past fall, when I was undergoing both radiation and chemo, and was so sick I felt close to death, and pretty much didn’t leave the house except for treatment, he made a point to come stay with me at least once a week. There may have been a few exceptions, but for the most part, he was there every week on his off day from work. He cooked dinner, or brought food, he fed the dogs, he listened to me complain, he ran errands for me, and pretty much anything I needed, he made an effort to provide it. And during this last bout of chemotherapy, which has been beyond hellish, he has been one of the very few people, (outside of my parents) who have actually been here while I was sick. Sometimes, the only thing you need when you’re that sick is just for someone to be there. Maybe they just sit and watch you sleep, or hold your hand when you’re crying from the pain, or hold your hair while you puke your guts out. But there’s only a tiny handful of people that have done that for me. And to those few, I will be forever thankful.

So there you go. Be there. Do things. Offer to get groceries, mow their yard, cook them dinner, wash their dishes, sweep their floors, feed their pets, run errands, fix clogged drains - anything that needs to be done. Just because someone is ill or otherwise compromised, the world doesn’t stop spinning, and they have chores and errands just like anyone else; the difference is they have a diminished capability for getting those things done. And when they say they don’t need help, help them anyway. They will remember your kindness, and they will be grateful.