Thursday, April 17, 2014

Don't Worry

To the inhuman human that left your dog to fend for itself, don't worry, I took him in. I didn't want to, as I have responsibilities too, and really didn't want the extra burden. But I did anyway. I know it won't matter to you that he/she now has food to eat and a warm bed to lay on, but he does. Because, let's be honest, if it mattered to you in the first place, you wouldn't have abandoned him on the side of the road, or left him behind when you moved. I'm sure you are sleeping soundly without any thoughts of the animal you left to die. But don't worry, I cared. I cared enough that I bathed him and gave him medicine to provide relief for his poor body from the fleas, ticks, and worms that plagued him.

Was he that much a bother for you? Did he get into the trash? Did he pee on the floor? Did he chew your favorite shoes? Would it have taken so much of your precious time to train him? Could you not possibly spare a few minutes every day to teach him manners? He wanted to please you, he wanted to learn, but you didn't have the time. But don't worry, I'm trying to find the time to fix your problem.

He loved you. He worshipped you. He would have fought for you. He would have given his life to protect you. And how did you return such unconditional love? You discarded him. You left him to die. Alone and scared, he would have eventually starved to death, given over to sickness and disease, or been hauled off to the pound to face his fate, wondering where his master is. But don't worry, he has a new home now.

Now he has a new master. Now he loves me. Now he fights to defend me. And if fate ever has our paths cross, don't worry, I'm sure he will forgive you. But I won't.


Monday, April 14, 2014

Things could always be worse. Or not.

One of my biggest pet peeves is to be standing in line somewhere, perhaps a gas station, looking at nothing in particular, mind wandering aimlessly, only to hear this, "Smile. Things could always be worse." I look up and sure enough some man is staring at me, expecting some kind of response. I said a man, because in every instance I can recall, a woman has never, ever, said this to me. It's always been a man. Chalk that up to another checked box in the 'women have more sense category'.

Now, I don't like to think of myself as someone who walks around with a scowl, and if you greet me with a "Hello" or "How are you?" in the checkout line, I will most likely smile and respond with a similar greeting. This particular interaction, however, is not going to illicit a pleasant response from me or a cheerful grin. Most days I bite my tongue, while contorting my face into the most disgusted look I can conjure at the moment, and try to shoot death rays from my eyes. But catch me at an inopportune time, and I may tell you where you can stick that smile you're looking for.

First of all, like I said, this is almost always said at some random moment whilst I'm staring off into space and standing in line somewhere. Who just stands around smiling for no reason? Unless, I'm having a funny internal thought, I don't just walk around smiling to myself. I'm even gonna go out on a limb and say most people in the world don't do this either, unless they're high.

Second of all, it's pretty damn presumptuous to assume to know anything about me or my life. I wonder how many times somebody has unloaded the "smile, it could be worse" to someone who had just been fired, or their spouse had just left them, or perhaps just got news they only had a short time left to live.

And for that matter, at what point is it appropriate to stop saying things could always be worse. I don't know, maybe you lost your job and consequently all your money, your car, your house and now you're homeless - - and for an extra cherry topping -- your entire family was just killed in a tragic accident. Is that when it doesn't get any worse? Is that when it's okay to say, hey you know, things really couldn't actually get much worse. Although I suppose, in theory, at least you haven't managed to accidentally set yourself on fire.

I understand that the idea is to remind ourselves that no matter our situation, someone out there probably has it worse. This is supposed to be some kind of solace, a reminder to count the blessings we do have. I get that. I often remind myself of this when times get tough. But sometimes, it's still bad. Whatever hell you are going through, will most likely pass, and eventually life will be brighter. But no need to hide behind a veil of fake smiles when things are shitty. Scowl if you want to. And when someone tells you things could always be worse, just punch them in the face, and say, "yeah, at least nobody has hit me today." Then smile and walk away.


Friday, March 28, 2014

Just a small thought

I worked on my flower bed today - planted 24 tiger lilies (my favorite). I've never considered myself much of a gardener, having been known to kill the kind of plants that are supposed to be hard to kill, including bamboo and cactus. Yes, I once killed a cactus. That takes skill. But I will say, I really enjoyed planting my flowers today and found it to be rather therapeutic. I had no time limit. I wasn't in a hurry. I took my time with each individual little hole that I dug, with a little music playing in the background to keep me company. It wasn't a task. It wasn't a chore. It was one of the more enjoyable things I've done lately. And seeing the plants all in a row when I was done brought me a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Add to it the benefit of Spring saying to me, "I have arrived". And that is a most welcome thought. I utterly hate winter. I sincerely despise it. I don't know that it's so much "seasonal depression" that I suffer from, as much as it is "winter sucks and there's really no good reason to leave my warm house when it's freezing and miserable outside". Either way, I for one, am glad to say goodbye for another season.

Now is the time to celebrate warm nights, lightning bugs and porch beers, soon to be followed by weekends boating on the lake, beach trips and long days of sunshine. And those days are my favorite days. So here's to Spring and Summer; new beginnings and sunny days ahead.

I think I will play in my flower bed more often.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Peace, Love & Happiness Tour: Part 1

On my morning drive to work, I caught a recap of a speech, the actress, Ellen Page, gave at a recent event for LGBT teens in Vegas. I didn't hear the entire speech, but what caught my attention, was the following quote from her speech:

"And I’m inspired to be in this room because every single one of you is here for the same reason: you’re here because you’ve adopted, as a core motivation, the simple fact that this world would be a whole lot better if we just made an effort to be less horrible to one another."

Let me repeat that last part in case you missed it - this world would be a whole lot better if we just made an effort to be less horrible to one another

Such simplicity that it would seem to be common sense. And yet, it's not. Day after day, decade after decade, we find someone to hate. 

I lived in Birmingham, AL for many years, home to one of the most atrocious acts of the civil rights movement - the bombing of the 16th Street Baptist Church that killed four young girls. Kelly Ingram Park in downtown Birmingham features statues depicting scenes when blacks were held back with firehoses and dogs. It's a stark reminder how our past is tainted with hatred and bigotry.

What is sad to me, is that throughout history, and continually today, people everywhere are having to fight for equality. I applaud the men and women who stand up to oppression and protest for justice. I only wish there was no need for it. Why can't we all just get along? Is that hard to just love thy neighbor? Is it so difficult a concept to grasp, that the majority of people, regardless of race, religion, sex, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or social class just want to live a good, decent life filled with love and happiness? They want to earn an income and be appreciated for their hard work. They want to provide for their families. They want to fall in love. They want the same chance at success as anyone else. Nobody got to pick their lot in life. All they can do is play the hand that was dealt to them.

Stop being horrible to each other.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Back At It

It's been a minute since my last post. I apologize. It's been a rough couple of months, in more than one way. For those that are close to me, you know what's been up. For everyone else, let's just say it's been a helluva ride. And some days, it got the best of me. It's hard to write objectively when your mind is so wrapped up in another aspects of your life. So I'm feeling a little rusty tonight, but I know if I don't just make myself get back to it, I never will.

But the truth is, the last few months haven't been as hard as they could have been. The biggest contributor to that has been my family and friends. I know I've probably said it a million times before, but I really do have the best support system around - great people that love me and believe in me. And when times get tough, they are the ones that pull me up and give me strength. I honestly have no idea how I could make it without them.

The last few months have been trying. My faith has been absolutely tested. I won't lie. Some days were hard, really hard. And then some days were okay. But that's the way it goes. See, there is no such thing as a happy ending, because the truth is, until you die, it doesn't end. It just keeps going, up and down, back and forth, and all you can do is try to fully enjoy every single blessed, joyous moment and know that there will be dark days, but they too shall pass. That is the roller coaster ride we are on. Hang on, close your eyes, feel the excitement and rush of it all, with faith that you'll make it out okay. Wake up every single day knowing you have been given another shot at life.

Several months ago, I found myself in a new place, and felt it was "meant to be" or "divine intervention" if you will. And then, Bam!, the rug was pulled out from under me and suddenly I questioned it all. But then I remembered something. If I thought it was God's will that led me here, then, in fact, it is also meant to be for me to suffer through this. Maybe the lesson was humility. Maybe it was patience. Or maybe it was faith. Or maybe there is no such thing as God and we are all just free floating around in random chance, but whatever the reason, I have found a newfound appreciation for the simple pleasures in life and have counted my blessings more in the last couple of months than in many years before. I have realized my troubles are few in comparison to the vast majority, and I have a newly restored sense of being, and knowing that I can and will survive, regardless of the curve balls thrown my way.

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are."
~Arthur Golden

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Love, Sweet Love

My Valentine's Day Tribute to Love:

First, some videos.

Jackie DeShannon "What the World Needs Now, Is Love, Sweet Love"



Tom T. Hall "I Love"



And the master of Love, Mr. Barry White "Can't Get Enough of Your Love"


And a random assortment of Valentine related images I found.


You know who you are.



If you need a pick-up line, try this one.



For anyone sad because you don't have a date.



True Love.



Happy Valentine's Day to ALL my Bitches out there! Love you, crazy people!!!!





The Great Car Run

Have you ever tried to push a 4,000-ish lb. Ford LTD up a hill? I have. I was probably fourteen at the time and weighed all of 90 lbs. soaking wet. But I had help. My even slightly smaller friend, *Marie, was with me at the time.

Mom was out of town and Dad was at work. Marie and I were at my parent's house, bored. There sat the LTD. It was a late 70's/early 80's model. My parent's had driven it in years past, but hadn't driven in at least a few years. It just sat there, parked, waiting for an adventure. So we decided to take her out for a test drive.

After some groaning, the engine finally roared to life. For those of you who remember, these cars were not the tiny, compact plastic cars we drive today. No, this was a tank with wheels. Anyway, off we go. We started by heading up the driveway and then down to my aunt and uncle's house down the road. So far, so good.

Headed back, we start making the climb up the long hill back toward my parent's house. Engine stalls. Car goes dead. I throw it in park, and try to turn the key a few more times. No luck. Well, okay, then. When the car dies, what do you do? You push it.

We devise a plan. Marie will stand at the driver's side door, with her hand on the wheel to steer it. I will get in the back and push. It made sense at the time. I had seen it done a couple of times. I get in ready to push position, with hands on the back bumper and legs braced. I yell to Marie, "put it in neutral". Um, Houston, we have a problem. I barely managed to clear being crushed to death by jumping into a nearby ditch as the behemoth started rolling backward rather impressively fast. Marie was only dragged down the hill for a short while, before giving up and letting go, also somehow managing not to be run over.

There she goes. Rolling in the wrong direction, back down the hill, ending up in a ditch at approximately a 70 degree angle. Thanks to a few friends, (and their Dads), we managed to get the car pulled out of the ditch, with the only real damage being that we ripped the front bumper halfway off in the process. One of the guys hammered the bumper back to it's original-looking shape. Car was parked in the exact place it had been. No one was ever the wiser.

Several months later, my uncle bought the car, for parts I assume. He shows up, they attach a chain or some device to the bumper to hoist it up to be hauled off. Imagine their surprise when the bumper immediately flies off the car.

"Jennifer, any idea why the bumper just fell off the car?"

"No, Mother, I have no clue." "Geez."




Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Time for a Cool Change

Whoever said people don't change, obviously didn't meet very many people. People change all the time. I think what they meant to say was that people don't change just because you want them to. That part seems to have been lost in translation. People change because they get older, wiser, and more experienced. People change because they see an attribute within themselves they are no longer satisfied with and decide to do something about it. People change because life deals them an unexpected hand that they must now face. Or they change because they have learned from past mistakes what works and what doesn't. But they do not, and will not change because they don't fit into some ideal image you yourself have created for them. And they never will. So stop expecting it.

A lot of relationships fail for this reason. Romantic, platonic, and familial relationships fail because of some unrealistic expectation of how we think someone should behave, and when they don't fit into the mold we have created for them, we feel let down.

Look, it's really this simple. You have two choices in any relationship. Either accept it for what it is, and that means accepting them exactly as they are at that time in their lives, or move on. If your boyfriend doesn't bring you flowers, and you want one that does, then find yourself the romantic type. There are plenty of flower-bearing men in this world. If your girlfriend doesn't enjoy World of Warcraft, and you can't live without a gaming partner, then find someone who shares your passion for video games. If you can no longer stand another minute listening to your bff's never ending drama, stop answering the phone. If you are unhappy with your relationship with someone, then get out of it. Otherwise, shut the hell up about it.





Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Miranda

I could never tell my story without including my friends. Names have been changed for all the typical reasons, innocence or guilt notwithstanding . This is *Miranda's story.

What you should know about Miranda: She has one of the best laughs I've ever heard on a human being, the contagious kind. And she literally gets a sparkle in her eyes when she's truly happy, an honest-to-God, twinkle. Her smile is her best feature. Her boobs are pretty awesome too, but I'm still going with the smile. I'm not a guy, so I can.

She is the Claree to my Ouiser. She is my, hopefully, one day, we will be those two old Southern women sitting on the front porch drinking sweet tea spiked with Jack Daniels, friend. She is also one of my best champions. She is my strength and courage, when I have none. When I doubt myself, she kicks my ass in gear. She probably knows as much, if not more, about my love life and relationships than the men who have actually been involved in them.

My best Miranda story? There's so many. Nothing, however, could top the epic and legendary story of her 29th birthday:


Two things you need to know before I proceed.


1. Miranda loves Jack Daniels. It is her drink of choice. And she is no lightweight, on the rocks with a lime, please.
2. A few months prior to this event I performed my version of the Tawny Kitaen stripper crawl at a girls' only night at a friend's house, much to the amusement of my girlfriends, and that crawl became, well, somewhat legendary in its own right. 

So let's begin.

We started the birthday night having dinner, and Miranda had a few JD drinks to celebrate. Now, in no way, am I blaming what happened later on the whiskey. But, I will say, where whiskey is concerned, it does make a pretty good scapegoat. After dinner, we decided to take the party to a nearby club, where they had a band playing and we could enjoy some dancing. Naturally, someone alerted the band it was Miranda's birthday. So they call Miranda to the center of the dance floor and she is instructed to sit in a bar chair while her friends "dance" for her.  A friend of ours pushes me out into the dance floor and says "Do your stripper crawl!". Now, under normal circumstances I would not be caught dead doing a stripper crawl, on a dance floor, in a club, in public. But, it was Miranda's birthday, several birthday shots had been consumed, and I was basically being double dog dared. So, off I crawled. And crawl I did, all the way to Miranda's chair where I stood up in front of her; we hug each other, laugh, I wish her a happy birthday, and, well, this is where things went downhill. What happened next is subject to debate and depends on who you ask. All that is certain, is the next thing I know, I am lying flat on my back on the dance floor and Miranda is face down on top of me. I get up, shrug it off, and go about finding my drink. Miranda heads to the ladies' room. She exits the bathroom, walking toward our table with her hand over her mouth, shaking her head. Naturally, we assumed she must have bitten her lip in the crash, but she refuses to show us the damage. We persist, out of genuine concern and morbid curiosity. Miranda slowly pulls her hand away and smiles. HOLYSHITBALLSBATMAN, Miranda's two front teeth have been knocked out!!! I mean, gone. For real. I can not in any effective way, explain to you the complex emotion of the complete shock and horror I felt while simultaneously laughing harder than I may ever have before or since. But let me try to explain, that on the one hand there are few times that I have ever felt worse for a friend of mine but at the same time I have rarely seen anything as hilarious as my best friend smiling at me with no front teeth - on her birthday! To make matters worse, it wasn't a clean break, so there were in fact, two tiny slivers on both the outside edges that gave the appearance of small vampire fangs. I tried hard to get a photograph, but she refused to smile for the camera. And right now, I bet you wish I had that photo to share. I know I certainly do.

Bless her heart, she was trying hard not to cry and all we could do was tell her how sorry we were while simultaneously wiping away our own tears of laughter. We bought her shots as condolences and sang a boisterous rendition of "All I Want For Christmas" all the way home that night. 

Thanks to the miracle of dental procedures, her teeth were soon thereafter restored, using whatever technology allows dentists to provide fake teeth, and none who ever see her would ever be the wiser. As I said before, her smile was and still is one of her best features. It is also the source of one of my very best memories of her, and certainly one of the funniest. If I live to be a hundred and am completely senile, I don't think I will forget that night or the image of my toothless friend. It, like so many other great stories is one of both tragedy and comedy. 

As Truvy Jones said, "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."









Thursday, January 30, 2014

Stereotypes

A friend of mine sent me a text suggesting I blog about stereotypes, nothing specific, just stereotypes in general. That's a fairly broad topic, and one that could lend itself to more discussion than could really fit into a blog post. I'm willing to give it a shot though. I like a challenge.

First of all, let's be clear. Stereotypes are not just harmless jokes about Asians being good at math or white people can't dance. Stereotypes are dangerous. They breed fear and hatred. People have been killed over stereotyping. They lead us to make irrational assumptions on an entire group of people, be it racial, gender-biased, ethnic, or whatever the case may be. Even without being aware at times we are doing it.

How many times have you heard someone make a comment about welfare recipients being lazy or irresponsible? Is it true that some people receiving government assistance take advantage of the system? Yes. Is it true they all do? No. But that doesn't stop some people from making broad, sweeping generalizations based on an inaccurate stereotype. What may in fact (or not) be a representation of a very small minority, begins to become accepted as a universal truth. These unsupported biases are not only hurtful to the citizens who are being wrongfully categorized, but lend themselves to being accepted as the popular opinion. Popular opinion can have the power to sway policies and regulations enacted by elected officials in an effort to placate their constituency.

Not all Muslims are terrorists. Not all Christians are bible-thumping evangelicals. Not all Republicans hate gays. Not all Southerners are racist. Not all teenagers are self-absorbed brats.

You get the point.

So how do we overcome this? How do we gain understanding of that which we are unfamiliar? The old proverb about walking a mile in another man's shoes is appropriate here. At the heart of the matter is a lack of empathy for each other. And that lacking stems from inadequate knowledge. Our outlook and views on society have been formed over time by the experiences we've have had in our individual lives. Our prejudices, our threshold for what is or isn't acceptable, even our religious preferences and choice of companions have all been molded by our own singular life experience. We can't change that.

What we can change is how we react to the world around us. Once we accept that our perceptions are biased, and make no mistake, they absolutely are, then we can then step away from ourselves and try to look at things more objectively.

If we never leave the confines of our own back yard, it's easy to fall into the mindset that it's the best yard; that other yards are somehow inferior. If we only surround ourselves with like-minded people, we deny ourselves the opportunity of being exposed to a new way of thinking. We become closed-down, narrow-minded, so filled with absolute certainty in our own beliefs, we begin to accept them as fact rather than mere opinion.

This doesn't mean we shouldn't have convictions. But we should arrive at them after careful deliberation, considering all sides, with thorough knowledge of why we believe what we do.

By gaining perspective into the lives of others, we gain understanding. Our perspectives shift, views are challenged and we become more accepting of what is foreign to us, thus diminishing our need for useless stereotypes.


Author's Note - My advice, if I have any worth offering:
Be diverse in your choice of acquaintances. Travel as often as possible, as far as your resources will let you go. Keep your mind open to new ideas. Be kind to one another.

Experience the world through someone else's eyes. You never know what you might see.












Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Damn Yankees

The South has a reputation for being slow-moving, sometimes slow-thinking but seemingly friendlier than our Northern counterparts. And we like to paint a picture of Northerners as being fast-talking and abrasive. Well, a friend of mine and I developed a hypothesis about this recently.

Standing outside in beyond ridiculous cold weather, which for me, anything below 60 degrees is insanity, but nonetheless, here we were in the cold of winter and we shared a thought. It's not that Northerners are rude. They're just cold. Of course Southerners are more congenial. We have time to be. If you catch us outside a Wal-Mart we will stand in the parking lot and inquire about your family, your new job and tell you all about our recent vacation to the Smoky Mountains. But trust me, when it's below freezing outside with arctic wind chills, who in their right mind wants to hang around outside and chit chat? They're in a hurry simply because they want to go home and thaw out in front of a heater. Who can blame them? And if they seem a bit grouchy, well, how would like to have to shovel snow out of your driveway every time you wanted to leave the house? Or spend twenty minutes scraping ice off your windshield three or four months of the year? Or better yet, know that if you don't bundle up like the little brother from "A Christmas Story" you could lose body parts to frostbite just by walking to the mailbox? I'd be pretty pissy about life too. Further proof that I need not live any farther North than the Mason-Dixon line.

So, next time you spot a Northerner in your neck of the woods, invite 'em over to sit a spell on the porch and enjoy the warm sunshine and a glass of sweet tea. The poor souls just don't get to do that often where they come from.

Bless their hearts.

PS - You know the difference between a Yankee and a Damn Yankee? A Damn Yankee never leaves.
Just kidding - you know I love y'all.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Selfies

For lack of anything better to write about, tonight's topic: The Selfie. Which, to my understanding now has an entry in the dictionary. Yay. Way to go mankind. We have now made narcissism a national past time. Don't get me wrong, I am sure I have had my share of shameless selfies, but I feel I can honestly say they are at least somewhat few and far between, at least compared to the realm of relentless look-at-me pics that flood the internet. Until tonight that is!!!!! That's right. This blog is my humble dedication to that great ego-boost, self-important, cry for attention, The Selfie. 

Here goes:

First up, The Duck Face:
Nothing says I'm sexy and I know it like puckering up to a handheld computer device. Alone. Because you have nothing better to make out with than your iPhone. 




The Bathroom Selfie:
On the upside, I got to take care of some important paperwork while taking a picture of myself. That's a  win for multi-tasking. 




The Mundane-Same-Shit-I-Do-Everyday Selfie:
Here is a photo of me holding a Sharpie marker. Why? Well, as we all know, Sharpie's are awesome and I thought I would share some of that awesomeness with the world. What? You're doing homework?!?! For the love of all that is good and holy PLEASE share that with everyone you know. Because, no, none of us have EVER participated in anything as exciting writing a paper for English Comp 101. Or have jobs with desks. Or drive cars. Or eat apples. 




And my personal favorite - The Cleavage Shot Selfie
This is a classic, almost always followed by some heading like "Loving Life and All Smiles" knowing full well it isn't your smile you are attracting attention to, but yet, will still pretend to get offended when some guy makes a comment about your décolletage. I actually applaud the men who make inappropriate comments. Good for you, I say. Call a spade, a spade. And if I don't get at least a few lewd comments on my barely-there cleavage, I'm going to be terribly offended. 


(yes, there was a wardrobe change - can't get a good cleavage shot in a sweatshirt for heaven's sake)


So here's to you Selfie. You self-absorbed son-of-a-bitch. You bring the world closer, one Instagram pic at a time. As you can see, I was totally excited to write this blog. Like, Totes MaGoats!!! 




 

Monday, January 20, 2014

Just an earthbound misfit, I

"Learning to Fly" Pink Floyd"(video link that hopefully works)

"Learning to Fly" was the song playing on the radio when I knew I was getting a tattoo. I was driving over O'Neal bridge and just knew. And the following weekend, I did get one. I wasn't even entirely sure what I was getting when I walked into the tattoo parlor. But a decision was made, the ink was put on, and unlike some people I have known, I have never regretted it. It's simple, and could really use some retouching, but I still like it. For those that don't know, it's the Libra scales. Yes, I'm a Libra. No, I am not a lawyer. And yes, I've been asked both. 

But for me, it's not just a zodiac sign. It represents the balance I need in life. Work and play. Family and friends. Time alone and time spent socializing. Exuberance and despair. We need a little of everything, but not too much of anything. I can tell when I have overindulged in one aspect of my life. I feel off. I feel the need to swing the scales back the opposite direction. 

It's also a reminder of that particular time in my life. That feeling of elation when all the pieces fall into place and you are brimming with absolute certainty. It doesn't have to be a song on the radio, although for me, music is most often my muse. Inspiration can arrive in any fashion. It's that moment of clarity, vision, peace, euphoria, an epiphany, or as Pink Floyd eloquently wrote, There's no sensation to compare with this, suspended animation, a state of bliss. It was one of those nights. I was 21, in college, having the time of my life with no clue where I would be 15 years later. As it turns out, I'm living back in my hometown and most currently, writing a blog about it, with no regrets, still learning to fly.




"Learning to Fly"
Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction is holding me fast,
How can I escape this irresistible grasp?

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought, I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone
A soul in tension -- that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, a state of bliss

Can't keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Who Are These Women?

Who are these women? These women I keep seeing on the cover of Cosmopolitan? These women who apparently somehow manage successful careers while raising 3 children and still maintaining the figure of a 20 year old while pushing 40? Who never let love get the best of them... Who never cuss...  These bitches kick ass and take names.

Okay, admittedly, I know some of these women. I also hate them a little bit. But only because I am convinced they are full of shit, and hiding some really weird side of themselves - these are also the women most likely to be plotting your death right now, with a knife, while you're sleeping. It's always the quiet ones....

But I am not one of them. I'm 36 years old and most days I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. Does he love me? Does he love me not? Do these pants make me look fat? And why can't I fry chicken without burning the outside? I'm Southern, frying chicken should just be in my soul.

The thing is, most of the women I know are not that person either. And it's high time we stopped expecting so much of ourselves. Since when it is considered uncool to show emotions? If someone breaks your heart, it's okay to cry!!!!!!! No need to convince the world what a strong woman you are with some random facebook posts about "how life is working out like it should". Fuck that shit. Sometimes you need a bottle of wine, a sad ass movie and a good friend that doesn't mind if you cry into the throw pillow. Sometimes men suck. Sometimes women do too. And yet, men still suck more. So By Holy Heavens - let that shit out. You can't kill them (legally) so might as well wear a bathrobe, have a good cry, followed by an even better laugh, and curse their ass. And stop being so damn strong. You just make the rest of us feel bad for being honest, and you're only making yourself more miserable.




Wednesday, January 8, 2014

A Night on the Town


Well, I managed to cross off one more item on my New Year’s to do list, under the try something new category. I went to a bar – IN IUKA! Anyone reading this unfamiliar with my little town should understand this is the first time in my life this has been possible. Up until the past year, this was a dry county. Finally through much effort and hard work of some fine folks, beer and liquor sales were added to the ballot and passed by majority vote. And sweet heavens, it’s about time.
It’s so nice to see my little town growing up. Our first stop on our night out in Iuka was to the newly reopened Café Memories. If you haven’t been there yet, you must. By far the best atmosphere you will find at any restaurant in the area. Comfortable, cozy, and filled to the brim with antiques, unique finds and loads of ambiance. With good food to boot, what else could you want? The extra special touch was spotting a picture of our friends, as part of the window décor next to our table.


My friend's photo in the window 

It's all about atmosphere

After a nice dinner, we headed to our next destination. Just recently opened, The Hideaway Bar, is a nondescript metal building located just off Millcreek Road. The staff was very friendly, and the beer was cold… just how it should be. They had a band, not sure of the name, but they played some good music worth dancing to, and my friends and I were happy to oblige. Seemed to have plenty of seating, with tables and room at the bar, in addition to a decent dance area. I noticed a pool table, dartboard, and a couple of TVs, which are always bonuses in my opinion when considering somewhere to have a beer or two. The only suggestion I might have is to add more ventilation, as I could see the smell of smoke being bothersome for people on a crowded night.


Interior decorating at its finest at The Hideaway Bar

All in all, it was a fun night. But what made it special was that it was a night out in in my hometown, which until recently wasn't really possible. Finally, we are starting to have actual entertainment options that don’t involve driving to neighboring states and counties. I’m proud of my little town. I hope it continues to grow and flourish, with more local businesses opening and perhaps driving more commerce and industry to the area. Cheers!



Sunday, January 5, 2014

Girlfriends

Some people go to priests, others to poetry, I to my friends. – Virginia Woolf
This one is for the ladies:
A little over a year ago, I was preparing for the upcoming company Christmas party. Not having a significant other at the time, and needing a date, my friend offered up her boyfriend to be my date for the night as she was probably going to have to work that night and he would just be bored with nothing to do. Because, that's what all boyfriend's do - they sit at home, bored, patiently pining away for their missing girlfriends. Ahem. Anyway, back at work, I was talking to a fellow coworker about my dateless dilemma and mentioned the borrowed boyfriend scenario as an option. My female colleague, engaged at the time, looked at me horrified and said, "What? You mean your friend would let her boyfriend come to the party without her?" "I would never trust any of my friend's to go anywhere with my fiancee." This is where I dispensed what I consider some of my most sage womanly advice. I looked straight at her and said matter-of-factly, "Honey, if you can't trust your friends to be alone with your man, then you need to find better friends." Now, a lot can be said about the boyfriend/spouse/significant other not being trusted in this situation, but this isn't a post about cheating boyfriends. This is a post about loyal friends. I won't say I couldn't have made it this far without my friends, too cliche', but I will say, what a terribly, dismal image that conjures.  I don't want to think of a life without these terrific women in it. These are women, who, when I left my husband, showed up at my house in pickup trucks on Labor Day after a long weekend of partying on the river, ready to do some heavy lifting. Women, who, when I found myself strapped for cash for a trip to New Orleans a couple of years back, offered to cover my portion of the hotel room, because according to them, "they preferred my company over my monetary contribution". The same group of women who have laughed with me, cried with me, cheered for my successes, chided me for my poor decisions when I needed to hear it, and have peed on more backroads with me than I could ever count. They are smart, talented, beautiful, hard working ladies and while I may could imagine a life without them, I damn sure wouldn't want to. Friendships change over time, and in ten years, your best friends may be completely different from who they are now. But it is important at any stage of your life to know who they really are. Life is just so much better with good girlfriends; friends that love you, that are there to help when you need it, friends that you can trust, without any doubts, to be alone with your boyfriend while you are stuck at work. 

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Okay, here goes:

First blog. 2nd day of 2014. I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions. I never stick to them anyway, and I just find the notion somewhat silly. However, today at lunch a friend posed the question: what are you going to do in the new year? Which, by the way, is completely different than a resolution in my humble opinion. It was an invitation. An entire, brand-spanking-new year lies before you. How would you like to spend it? Any dreams? Goals? Plans? Or just another year drifting through, catching what comes your way? Maybe I thought too much into the question. But it did make me stop and think. What DO I want to do in 2014? For all I know, it may be my last year alive. I certainly hope it's not, but it may be. One never knows. So that being said, there's obviously no way I could really ever accomplish everything I would like to in life in one year, but perhaps it's a good time to set some goals for the year and actually make a commitment to getting them done. And I won't say this list is all inclusive. I may come to think of other things on my "to-do" list, but it's a start. So here goes:

1. Write something. Okay, well, here ya go - one thing already checked off my list. And no, it's not cheating because I've always wanted to write. Something. Anything. Not for fame or fortune, but because I like to ponder and think and it seems ponderers and thinkers are often times also writers. I've always been intimidated when it comes to writing. And here's the thing; I took creative writing in college and was told by my professor I was at least somewhat decent at it. I don't remember his exact words, but I recall them being encouraging. I also remember him telling me to "write about what you know". Well, that's a long, could be interesting or could be boring story depending on who you ask. It could also result in loss of friends, family and unrest among local citizens. Nobody really wants me to write about what I know. Because, well, among other things, I happen to know a great deal of dirty secrets. And who the hell wants that? Well, okay, some people do. Actually, probably a lot of people do, (everybody loves some dirty laundry) but we're not quite there yet. Another tidbit most people do not know about me, I began my first book at the age of ten or eleven-ish. Maybe twelve. And somewhere tucked away in a box is an aqua colored vinyl notebook containing my early writings. It was a story of four best friends and their adventures...think Baby Sitter's Club or Sweet Vally Twins for all of you who remember those books. I also remember one of the character names was Stacy Stein. And the reason I remember that, is because I was telling my mother about my book and the main characters, she asks me if Stacy was Jewish. I was completely dumbstruck. What the hell kind of question is that? How should I know? She had blonde hair and was the "pretty" one. That was as far as I had gotten in character development. And no, the fact her last name was Stein was not an indication of her heritage, I just thought it sounded like a cool last name. Hence, my first lesson in writing. Names matter. But again, I was ten, eleven-twelvish. Point is, writing has been in my blood for a long time.                                


2. Travel to a foreign country. Okay, this one is a little more adventurous and will require at least a small amount of planning and budgeting. I've done quite a bit of traveling within the continental U.S. but my foreign country experience is lacking. Technically, I've been to two other countries, France and Mexico. France was awesome (screw the haters, I loved it). I took four quarters (before UAB switched to semesters) of French and one of the best trips I've ever been on was with several women from my French class to Paris between Spring and Summer quarters. We spent around 10 days there and I loved every second of it. Though I will say, hands down, the absolute worst onion soup I have ever had was in France. Maybe they were having an off night, but you would think a country given credit for a particular soup could knock it out of the park every time. Apparently not. As for their other cuisine, if you enjoy a fried egg on every sandwich you eat, you're in luck. Now, I said "technically" two countries, but I'm just not sure the Mexico trip really counts. Crossing the border was a spur-of-the-moment side trip while sight-seeing in Arizona led by my mother, with her fourteen year old daughter (that would be me) and her pre-Alzheimer's but already crazy Mother in tow. After dark. In a rental car. In Mexico. No point to elaborate. That trip lasted all of about 30 minutes. Basically, long enough for my mother to realize this was not the best idea, as our car was being surrounded by Mexicans banging on the windows trying to sell us fruit and crafts. The entire could be summed up by "pulling a Ueee" at the Mexican border. So for 2014, I am determined to get out of the country. Passport ready.

3. Saving money. Boring, I know, but necessary. If my recent bout of temporary unemployment taught me anything, it's this: you have no fucking idea how close you are to being completely broke. And by broke I mean, not enough money to pay bills. Eat out? No, my friend, you better learn to love Ramen noodles and bologna. Just don't mix the two. Unless you like the shits. Sorry, I knew there was no way I was going to make an entire blog without crossing the line. But, in my defense, you were warned with the opening paragraph. Besides, everyone's had them at some point. The shits, that is. Anyway, back to saving money. And by the way, the inability to pay one's bills can lead to another condition known as Being Homeless.
So the other day, I was talking to my dad about getting behind on bills while unemployed. He says to me I was "living beyond my means". I said, no, I had no income. And with no income, EVERYTHING is beyond your means. And here's the thing about bills; just because you missed last month's payment doesn't mean they won't send you another one next month. Now you're two months behind. See how that works? Now, smart, educated folks will tell you that you should have around three months living expenses tucked away for emergency. Well, that's fine and dandy if you have extra income at the end of the month to tuck away. For the rest of us, it's slightly more complicated. After my divorce, I bought my first house, a fixer-upper I'm still fixing and any savings I ever had went the way of refinished floors, replacement furniture, and repaired appliances to name a few. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my little house. And I hope that one day, the investment will pay off. But, it wasn't until very recently that I had gotten to the point of being able to actually set aside a little savings. And thank heavens for that little bit, or the last month or two would have been incredibly worse than it was. So, lesson learned. It's easy to get a paycheck, pay the bills, live a little and whatever is left over at the end of the month, well, stick that in savings. No. From now on. Bills get paid. Savings is pulled out immediately. And then, live a little with whatever is left over.

4. Letting It Go (some call it forgiveness, but I prefer not to).  How does one go about forgiving the people in your life who have hurt you the most? Forgive and forget is catchy, but not realistic. Even if you forgive them, how do you forget? I don't think you do. Nor should you have to. Some argue that if you don't forget, then you haven't forgiven. But some things can not be unremembered. I think the key to forgiveness is to find peace. That's why I choose to call letting it go. And no, this doesn't mean you should continue to allow the same people to hurt you over and over. Enough is enough. If someone is not contributing in a positive way in your life, then your life is better off without them. Period. But you will never find peace and true happiness by harboring anger and resentment. So this one's going to be a bit tougher. Because I think in order to find peace and absolution, you have to first acknowledge the hurt, and then find a way to be okay with it. And this also means forgiving yourself (myself). Yes, there are people in my life who have hurt me, but if I am able to forgive others their trespasses, I have to extend myself the same courtesy.

5. Try something new. Free For All!!!!! This is my favorite on the list thus far. Admittedly, it's a pretty loose goal. But the last one was getting a bit heavy, and I'm running out of ideas at the moment. Not that there aren't other things I would like to do in 2014, but I'm leery of committing to too much at once. Baby steps, people. And this one will be easy, because I love trying new things. New foods, new activities, new ways of thinking, new dances, new technology...
And there are so many things I've never actually done. I have never been snow skiing. I have never snorkeled. I've never seen the running of the bulls or pole danced at amateur night. Point is there are boundless opportunities to experience something new and different. And that's what life is really all about. Just the very thought of doing something I've never done before excites me and makes me smile. Learn a second language. Take guitar lessons. Hike the Appalachian Trail. And my advice to everyone, whatever your new year has in store, make room for getting our of your comfort zone and giving something new a chance!